It was maybe 3:25 pm Thursday, December 4th I know because I checked the clock at 3:32. It was 48 degrees in Portland. I know, because I checked the temperature. Right now it is less than an hour ago, the memory is fresh. I had just turned the corner from the cottage. I heard a whirr and caught a glimpse of movement. I saw her dart by and up onto a tree branch about 15 to 20 feet away. She stayed there and watched. I stopped and spoke to her for a moment. I told her it was too late in the season, it was too cold for a hummingbird here. I told her she must make her annual Antilles pilgrimage. I told her that her daughter had left for the islands from Paris just yesterday.

Then an amazing thing happened. This hummingbird flew down to me. She stopped and hovered not two feet from my shoulder. For five, seven, maybe even 10 seconds she floated there – motionless but for the whirr of her wings. I told her I loved her. My heart was happy. A quick flutter over to the fuchsia bush, a quick sip or two of nectar, and she was gone. A moment later I went inside. It was 3:32.

I don’t believe it was necessarily my sweetheart. I am not that far gone – I can only hope. I do however believe that that was how she would communicate if she could.

December 4, 2008 / Her Last Visit / AFW pg 49 © 2008 / CIP 12/9 /SHE

My question to you, and certainly you are the only person uniquely equipped to answer it, is: With reference to your two main equations on pages 107 and 134. Can they support the proposition that time and temperature are related in an inversely proportionate manner as mass is to energy? Would that imply that the speed of light and the speed of stop, in this context at a Planck length level, are not opposite?

November 19, 2008 / The Medium of Light / AFW pg 49 © 2008 / CIP 12/9 par 2 / OAR

It was an epiphany of sorts. Close to 30 years ago now. Perhaps 2:00 or 3:00, or maybe even 4 AM – driving up a mountain. I was close to 30 then – more than half a lifetime ago. The first time in my life I realized I actually was driving home. The first time I felt I had a home. The first time I understood I had won the game of life. It was exhilarating and, with some ups and downs, the mood lasted at least a quarter of a century. The peace of the found. The quiet of contentment. The comprehension of silence. Not perfect – I learned it is never perfect – but better and better, and nearly always more happy than not.

And then I moved and it was gone. I found it again last night – sleepless in my bed. Again it was 4:00 AM. Eureka! I have a home – the room upstairs is now my sanctuary. Dominique is my reason for continuing, and there is peace, and food for thought. True, it is smaller and a bit noisier, but I can comprehend and control it. I can choose not to deal with doors, and languages and fit. It is more than sufficient. It is home. I am content.

The fires are banked now – always 80-85%, usually 90-95, sometimes we even reach 98-99%. The storms have passed – the road ahead seems clear and right. Acceptance, with even some degree of fulfillment, and occasionally a word worth writing. The contours of my own fairly complete philosophic system, developed almost as far as I can take it, are clear. The pipe dreams now are mostly dead or dying. A primary duty is to accompany Dominique. She is well worth it, and so is love. I have won again. A room with a second epiphany of sorts.

December 10, 2007 / Coming Home Redux / 738 (04) / Personal / Mixed / AFW, 738, © 2007 / SHE

If Cusanus were alive today he might believe the act of knowing is the Big Bang. We are average – more or less. In the end, and in the beginning, either God lives or we die. If we know it we don’t. It is as simple and elegant as that. Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle applies to all particles, including us. Essentially it is the law of averages. Be aware and be wary. God is knowledge. In the end it can only be the last thing you will ever know.

December 2007 / Musings (3), / FF 77 / OAR / 808 / Physics / Best / AFW, 808, © 2007 / OAR

Because inversely proportional is simple and elegant.

If we can calculate and conceive of the speed of light why can’t we just conceive of the speed of stop?

Time and temperature are inversely proportional to mass and energy. Is it inanity or insight?

December 2007 / Musings (3), / FF 77 / OAR / 808 / Physics / Best / AFW, 808, © 2007 / OAR