I saw a hummingbird today – or did I? I think my sweetheart was talking to me. I think she said “of course I had to go to the Antilles with the kids, but I’m back with you now”. Later Adrien and I looked again at the pictures, it wasn’t there. A different bird looking in a different direction was – but not my Happy Hummingbird. I think she changed the picture in my mind just for me. She spoke to me.

We were all there. Adrien, Eve, Jerome and Sophie, Florence, Karen and Albert. Lunch had been great, Versailles cold, but the atmosphere warm, and we were all now gathered around to see the pictures for the first time from the Antilles. There were a bunch, I don’t know how many, but a bunch. I thought it was the third or fourth frame that caught my eye. A hummingbird floating there drinking the nectar as they often do. Quickly it was gone. The following frames tumbling in succession. Very quickly. There were a lot of them. They were a mélange, but happy and good. Six souls on a gorgeous island. Half way through the presentation I said, quite loudly actually, “I want a print of that hummingbird, I want a print for sure”. It had made a strong impression on me.

Later, in the car on the way home, I said to Adrien again I would like a picture of that hummingbird. He had his laptop with him, so we looked again through the pictures. It wasn’t the third or fourth, but perhaps around the seventh. There had been many pictures of birds later on, but only one was in the beginning. I knew it was the trigger, but it wasn’t the picture. This bird was looking left and sitting amongst foliage. It was a beautiful bird, but not my gorgeous hummingbird. She had been looking right, floating on air, sipping the sweetness of life.

01/06/2008 / April 13, 2008 – A Happy Hummingbird / Minou / Mixed / AFW, 719, © 2008 / CIP, June 1 / SHE

March, April, May – not your usual quarter, but it is a quarterless world. No quarter given, none received. Still it seems, finally some progress. After the real first quarter disaster, and April only slightly better May looks good. Today was actually better than good. Stephane called from China, just to be kind. Béatrice had Minou’s pillow repaired – a super blessing almost beyond measure. Tonight dinner at Oresto’s. Things are looking up. Of course there was nowhere to go but up! Acceptance helps. And the kids are treating me better. Should I wonder why? Can I trust the thaw? I am going to be optimistic. It has usually worked for me – at least till February 23rd. And it gave Minou a pretty good 2007 – which, realistically, was much more than what we could have asked for. So OPTIMISM it is!!

01/06/2008 / May 29, 2008 – End of The Quarter / Minou /Mixed / AFW, 721, © 2008 / CIP, June 1 / SHE

When you actually take stock there is much to be thankful for. Many people have been kind, and some exceptionally so. Minou is my heroine, but Christine is her sister. Without her my Minou would have lost much of the joy in her life. A tad over 24 years actually. Without her, in the last 24 hours, her Domi couldn’t have slept peacefully. Without her in the following 24 days, I am not at all sure I could have survived. For the next few eternities we will both be grateful to Christine. When Minou and I hold hands again, and that day will come, we will toast the best friend we ever had. And then we will wait patiently to hold her hand again. For sure, that day too will come, but we will hope not for a long, long time. Love is patient.

01/06/2008 / May 30, 2008 – Off the Scale / Minou /Mixed / AFW, 722, © 2008 / CIP, June 1 / SHE

Of course there were other kindnesses, both before and after. Certainly Antoine and Karen leap to mind – a brother and a sister, though not of each other. There were two Guillaume’s, one amazing for his age, but actually quite exceptional for any age; the other Italian, with, excluding mine, the most exceptional wife in the world. Two Laurence’s – unconnected except that they both loved Minou, they actually even called her by different names. A Stephane for me and a Veronique for her, and an unconnected Stephanie. From across the great divide a superb first family and a surprising number of friends. All these and a hundred more should be named, a thousand more considered. They cannot be thanked adequately, but they were all rewarded, because they knew Minou.

01/06/2008 / May 31, 2008 – Other Kindnesses / Minou /Mixed / AFW, 723, © 2008 / CIP, June 1 / SHE

It wasn’t cold yet but I was shivering. There on a secluded section on the banks of the Seine – shivering quite strongly now. The barges plying their trade, ignoring me. I didn’t know it then, but in about twelve hours my wife would be dead. I did know it was imminent. A couple of days perhaps, three or four at most. The shaking had started. Violent shaking now. It is a long story. This part lasted, give or take, only thirty hours. The whole tale lasted two lifetimes. It should have ended 12 hours from now. It was, and will be continued.

01/06/2008 / February 22, 2008 / Thirty Something Hours / Minou /Mixed / AFW, 718, © 2008 / CIP, June 1 / SHE