Thrice now I have built a world. Once in the hell-hole of America that is Los Angeles. It was an inauspicious beginning, but it built the only thing that still endures. My primary family – it has splintered, but still strongly endures. I rebuilt my world once in the mountains of the Sierra Nevada. It was a very good milieu for me. When I left that universe I was sure my third incarnation would be my last. I knew, or thought I knew, I would be the one to die first. It didn’t happen. She did.
In the immediate aftermath, I envisaged just retiring upstairs, with occasional visits down and out. Mostly I could just wait amongst things familiar, two floors up from where I had known true happiness. I had hoped I could simply watch the starlings cavort in the cool of the evening over the Paris skyline. Gradually though, the language, culture and generation differences proved too much. I found that, without Minou, I did not fit. Without Minou I couldn’t fit in Paris, nor in France, nor in this family. She was the fulcrum that made those three circles possible.
Now her children must build three separate but intertwined spheres. She did everything she could to build the individual bases. She worked hard to unite them as a unit. Just towards the very end she saw real success, and she rested. She was, she is, and she will be proud of her children. Each time they hear an echo of her words and are guided by them she will be proud. Each time they act as a united whole, she will be pleased. More than that – every time they strike out bravely on their own she will be delighted. She loved life, she loved freedom and she loved individuality – all within the supporting matrix of a unit. That is all she wants for each of you.
Perhaps one last thread connects us all. The game still holds some promise and allows for the small possibility of fulfilling one of your mother’s and my last hopes. I believe that in the beginning she worked on the game for us - a joint project that could build her and I as a unit, and it even had some real potential. In Colorado she worked on the game to support me and my dreams. In Paris she began to work on the game again because she saw some family potential, but in the end I think she saw it mostly an avenue for Eve. I believe Albert and you boys owe it to your mother & Eve to leave room for that. Allow her, if she wishes, to seize the ball and run.
As for me, time will tell – for certain I am super glad that I went on the journey with your mom. Threads have a funny way of circling back and encompassing worlds. Maybe in the end we will all learn to honor and respect each other – despite the differences in language, culture and generation. Let’s drink a toast, French wine of course, to three new worlds, and a fourth.